How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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