Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
