if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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