Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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