so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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