So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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