You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im part way to drunk.