Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

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(716): View more from New York

So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef

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(214): View more from Texas

The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.

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25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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(540): View more from Virginia

He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding

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(334): View more from Alabama

What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand

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