i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.