I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
