He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.