You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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