A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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