new low.... made out with someone while peeing
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
