I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
