My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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