i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
