y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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