Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
