New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
