I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
