I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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