So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
