Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Randomize
