so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wear drunk well.
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