Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
