I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
