I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
