I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
