I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
