I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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