dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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