So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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