i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
