I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
