dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
