this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
