WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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