Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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