I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
