Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
