That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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