addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
