Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
