ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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