i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
