i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize