Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
