i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
