Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
