Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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