Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
