sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
