Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
