The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
