there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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