Yo dont text me then not text me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
