im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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