what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
