i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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