Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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