You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
