I feel like abortions should bother me more
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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