I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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