my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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