i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
as a side note pls kill me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
