farters have to be the big spoon...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
