If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.