So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?