i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass