He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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