i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
